The last two weeks

Let me update you on the last two weeks.

I have actually managed to keep busy the last few weeks. My mornings have been taken up with driving to and from places. Johannesburg is busy and has a tangle of large freeways. Everything usually takes about 45 minutes to get to, unless you get lost and it takes 2 hours! Petrol (gas) costs a good deal around here, and the car I am borrowing requires a lot of it, BUT I am ever so thankful to have a car to get me places!

I have been volunteering at Little Eden weekly. By the second week I asked if I could come on Thursdays too, which they have graciously allowed. The first few times they had me work in the group with the little girl that I know! It was great to spend some time with her. She is in the “higher functioning” class. There are quite a few children in her group that are so sweet and precious. This week they had me stay with the Physiotherapist, and help them do some work with different children on mats. Many of the children have contracted arms and legs, and we give them a good rub down and TRY to stretch their muscles. Many of the children though they can’t talk, are alert enough that when you hold them, and touch them, tickle them and kiss them they break out into great big smiles!

Little Eden is quite a place. They have a nurse 24/7, a doctor that comes in twice a week, several physical therapists, a music therapist, teachers and other staff. The staff that I have interacted with and the volunteers are lovely people who love the children and enjoy being there. The place is clean, and the children get 3 good meals a day including jello for dessert! I am usually there from 9-12:30.

Volunteering at Little Eden is my favorite part of the week. It makes life simple. I get to tell and show children who don’t “look or act normal” that they are beautiful and their life has worth because they were created in the image of God. I may not say that to them in those words, but when I hug and kiss them, massage their broken bodies, cause them to laugh and smile, sing with them and tell them they are beautiful and see their response of joy, I know it’s communicated. I love it!

My other favorite part of the week is going to church! I have been attending a church called God First, which is connected to my church NCC in Tacoma because they were started by the same family of believers called New Frontiers. God First has exploded and has 9 campuses! I attend one about 40 minutes from my house. I have been able to bring some volunteers from TLC (the baby home I volunteered at in 2008) as well as some of the two year olds to the services. The pastor is doing a series on Faith, with lots of great things to say. More than that, I love dancing and worshiping God, with a sweet child in my arms. It brings me great joy!

I have gone over to TLC a few times to assist by folding laundry, doing the dishes, feeding and holding babies. I have also been helping my housemate Nomusa get into a course to train her to be a social worker assistant. What a crazy ride THAT has been. Two weeks ago we drove down town to inquire about the course. It was understood that the course started in March. They informed us to call on the 25^th in regards to the next screening date, and that they did not know when the course would start. So diligently on the 25^th we called and they told us on the 27^th they were having the screening exam. So we gathered all our papers, got down there, she took the exam and passed! Great! But it wasn’t over yet. I asked, when does the course start, and when do we need to submit the social worker placement letter? (we are supposed to find our own social worker to work with for the course). They told me oh, there is no course in March, but it starts next week Friday (today) and you have to have the papers in on Tuesday the 31^st!

I didn’t think it would be THAT difficult to find a placement, but I was wrong. Friday afternoon, all day Monday and part of Tuesday we drove around to hospitals, clinics, children’s homes and other places trying to get someone to take us! Many prayers, tears and miscommunications later we still couldn’t find anybody! I flew out to Cape Town to visit my friends Tuesday afternoon (which was planned before we knew that the class was starting this week), and left Keshia and Shoshanna to continue the hunt! Several promising social workers later, and an extension of the 31^st deadline …..end of the story to be continued.

We also visited the South African Nursing Council, whereupon they told me they hadn’t received any paperwork yet that was sent from me and the Nursing School back in December. I can’t move forward in that. I also met with the Social worker about the child, and learned some interesting things, which cannot be discussed on this public website!

I came to South Africa as it was the next step in this process of pursuing the possibility of adoption. Before coming here, I felt pretty confident about my desires and intentions. After all I had been thinking about this since I arrived back in the USA in 2008, but really praying about it and pursuing it since the beginning of 2011, after a 3 week trip to South Africa and Zimbabwe. My mind was pretty much made up! Upon arrival and over the last month I have battled with an “idea/dream” and with “reality”. I did not expect to feel the way I have felt being here, nor to struggle with this so deeply. In looking so intently at the reasons for coming and what is before me I have come to realize some perhaps unhealthy motivations. Adoption is a decision that should not be made lightly, and it should definitely not be made out of selfish reasons, or reasons of guilt, or “should haves”. What a war within me! I love this little girl and want the best for her! At the same time, I am not ready to make this lifelong commitment (and lifelong it shall be because of her disabilities). I wish I could be THAT person! There is not much else to say at this point. I would greatly appreciate your prayers as I continue to make decisions and decipher God’s will and the next step I should take. Thank you.